Some people wait all year for it, plan intricate dates, create heartfelt gifts; others get triggered by the Feb 14th date, reminding them of never being ‘chosen’ or receiving a token of affection. Then there are the people who read into the commercialism behind it and whisk it away, love is something that doesn't need a ‘day’ to celebrate it.
Whatever the case and how you move through today, perhaps what Feb 14th should really be about is the outloud and in your face date that is about checking in with yourself (and with your partner if you have one) about the health and sustainability of love in your life.
Many of us, dare I say all of us, are continuously on the hunt for that ‘perfect healthy love’; but how many of us have actually stopped to reflect on what that actually looks like.
You don’t have to be in a relationship to reflect on the three questions in this post, actually they are so great to walk through when you are single as well, that way you are putting thought into who you want to be in a relationship and what that is going to look like and the Law of Attraction gets to work!
So… What does a healthy and sustainable relationship look like? Have you seen one modelled? Or do you have a few relationships that you observe that you can glean things from?
When we have the definition of what this looks like to us written down, we can continue to take little actionable steps towards it. When we are faced with choices, which one will put us one step closer to being the partner that it takes to have that relationship that you wrote out?
What about your needs/wants? When asking people who come to me for relationship/intimacy/sex coaching what they need and what they want out of a romantic relationship, I am always shocked at how many are not actually quite sure. They know what they don’t want.. But the other way around is difficult.
How are you either going to find a partner who is best suited to who you are and who you are working towards being; or how are you expecting your partner to be what you need and want if you don’t even know what that is?
Needs and wants are very different.
Make a list of both!
Needs are things that you are not willing to compromise on. They are your morals, values, principals.Things that might have to do with parenting (if you have kids) etc.
Wants become negotionables. What are some different things that you like to enjoy, but not having them will not take away from your self worth, integrity and love cup?
Lastly, but certainly not least,
what are your love languages?
This seems so simple, however knowing and then taking action on love languages in your life is vital to having healthy relationships. People cannot read your mind, even if that person you think ‘should’ be able to because you have been in a relationship with them for years! They can’t!
When you open communication about how you receive love, and how they do, then you will be able to intentionally fill each other’s cups up. Most times we are trying to give love to our partner’s the way that we receive it and then beating our heads against a wall when it seems to be ‘not enough’ to them!
Love languages also have the ability to morph as we evolve. So even if you have had the conversation about them before in your relationship, check in. It will never do any harm, rather the opposite!
If you are in a partnership, ask your partner to answer all of these questions too, and then share your answers. It will make for a great Valentine’s Day date conversation.
And if you are solo, spend the time diving deeper with yourself. Putting intentional time into this will bring balance and open doors.
Have questions or need support?
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